Friday, November 4, 2011

Lost Soul, Hard Road

A frozen soul, rusted shut by tears.
Heart stumbling along the broken path.
My shadow stretches out behind me as happiness sets on the horizon.
New love glitters ahead. Just a mirage I thirst after.
I threw down my pen. This wasn’t good enough for bargain basement Hallmark cards.
“Honey! Do you remember what it’s like to break up with someone?”
“You, know, have someone you love, leave?”
“You don’t quit bothering me, you’ll find out first hand,” she said.
“I said someone you love, leave, that’d be me,” I hollered back.
“You think?”
I could imagine the smile on her face.
I got up from the desk and wandered out to the kitchen that smelled like dough and cinnamon. My wife was elbow deep in a pan wrestling with a white pillow looking lump I assumed to be the rolls she was making. She had white flour everywhere including her face and dusted over her dark brown hair.
“Frost?” I asked as I brushed the powder from her.
“Don’t you have work to do?” she asked.
I did. I was supposed to be writing so we could make payments on the house and buy the flour for the bread. But I had found a wall. I hadn’t been heartbroken in a long, long time.
“I’m stuck,” I said. “I need to describe heartbreak and I can’t.”
“Check with one of your Facebook dollies. Didn’t you say they were always breaking up?” she said.
“That’s it! I’ll check with Tina and Janet. They’re always breaking up. I’m a geen..yus,” I said.
 “Great. Now leave me alone if you want homemade coffee rolls in the morning,” she said. She planted a white doughy handprint on the back of my jeans as she swatted me out of the room.
I sat down in front of the computer and logged into Facebook. I scrolled through the names on line. There was Janet, the daughter of a close friend of mine. She was always in love or out of love. She’d know.
“Janet, How do you feel?” I typed.
“Great,” she replied.
“I thought you just broke up?” I asked.
“Silly Uncle Dan,” she replied. I wasn’t her real uncle but we were close enough I guess.
“I’m a senior in high school. I look pretty good, and I’m a girl. I don’t stay single long.”
Well, that shut the door on that. In fact, I realized, girls don’t suffer heartbreak like men do. In fact, most women have their next victim, I mean next man picked out before they leave the current one and if they don’t, it doesn’t seem hard for women to find men. At least that’s how I think. I knew I wasn’t going to find any male friends on Facebook announcing a break up. Most of my friends won’t get within 6 feet of the relationship status unless their significant other raises one eyebrow.  I’d have to go elsewhere.
“Honey, I’m going out for a ride. I got to think.”
“Think about getting some coffee, good coffee for the rolls,” she said.
“Glad to hear you’ll miss me,” I said as I walked by the kitchen toward the garage.
“Miss who?” she asked between grunts as she wrestled the fat white creature in the bowl.
I smiled as I got in the car. If I wanted to write about love fulfilled, it would be easy. My banter partner inside was the love I never thought I’d find. Yes, it’s true. It took me forever to find her and plenty of lost love before that. Worth the wait.
I drove the long way to the store along a country road framed by trees, colored by the fall leaves, brown, orange, red, yellow.  I let my mind wander back, ten years back. Oh yeah, heartache.
To be continued

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